Hint-It’s easier than it sounds!
Lalah Delia, a trauma informed wellness educator, believes that “self-care is how you
take your power back.” Self-care begins with self-forgiveness and self-love, by
remembering the neglected, most lovable child within you. Self- care is an attitude, a
mindset that allows you to put your own health and happiness first. This doesn’t mean
you don’t care about your kids or your partner; it means you come first. Adopting this
attitude means that once your needs are met, you can be what you need to be for
others—healthy, whole and ready to happily help those you love. If you aren’t used to
treating yourself well—and let’s face it—most women who have been abused haven’t
learned how to care for themselves and don’t know where to begin. Start off slowly;
small if it feels right, or large if that’s better.
Simple easy things to do:
How about sleep? Getting the amount and quality you need.
Painting your nails.
Taking a warm bath, with bubbles!
Reading a book or magazine you love.
Cooking your favorite food—not the kids’ favorite—yours! Enjoy it privately.
Watching your nutrition. Learning to eat foods that support your health and energy.
Taking a walk with yourself. Walking is free and one of the best exercises
for mental and physical health.
Are you getting the hang of it? These are things that require little or no money and
will give you pleasure. I’m sure that you’ll think of many more ways to soothe your
soul once you get started. As always, the first step leads to the second. Treat
yourself the way you’d treat your best friend. Be your own best friend. Later, as you
learn to heal your wounded child within, you can add everything else you need to make
your life what you deserve it to be. And no feeling guilty!
Affirmations: Positive reinforcement for your new belief
Our negative self-talk is constantly swirling around in our heads. It’s so easy to believe
what we say to ourselves, but you can change that narrative by having some new, very
simple ideas to replace the negative thoughts. It starts by being aware of those
negative thoughts and saying: “Hey, that’s just a thought, and I can think a different
one.” It takes practice, but don’t give up. It can change the way you think about
yourself!
I forgive myself.
I love who I am.
I don’t have to be “nice”.
I am just where I need to be right now.
I can be fearless.
Invitation to Journaling: Writing to Heal Yourself
It’s long been noted that journaling—writing your thoughts and feelings—can be healing.
I highly recommend you take a few minutes each day—or whenever you can—to sit
quietly and get in touch with your life through expressing yourself on paper (or a
computer if that’s better for you). Once you get the hang of it, you’ll want to do it often.
Something magical happens when you write—and we’re not talking about “great” or
“perfect” writing. Who cares about spelling and punctuation? We’re talking about
pouring your heart out, on paper. Saying what you need to say—getting those hidden
feelings down—so you can release the pent-up energy from your former life of abuse.
Find a quiet place where you can be uninterrupted for at least fifteen minutes. Grab a
notebook from the dollar store, a stunning journal from a discount store or a computer
and just let the words flow. Start anywhere and don’t worry if your thoughts don’t make
sense to you. Just write. You’ll surprise yourself!
To get started, here are a few prompts for you. Use these to begin, or if they don’t work
for you right now, just write whatever comes to mind. Keep your writing in a safe place,
just for your eyes—or a safe person (a social worker, a therapist, a best friend) if you
want to share.
Find the words to describe what happened to you. Choose one incident
and write about that.
What different choices could I make if I were in that same situation now?
How can I be more loving to myself and know that understanding is a slow
process.
What do I need to forgive in myself?
What scares me?
A simple and easy theme for each blog will be that taking just the first baby
step will lead you to the next baby step. Lots of baby steps make huge
changes in your life.
Call to Action
Practice saying “no”.
“Name it to tame it”. Dan Siegel
Hint-It really works!
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